My teacher, after we grabbed lunch together, “May I invite
you?”
Me, “I’m sorry?”
Teacher, “May I invite you?”
Me, “To what?”
Teacher, “Lunch! Can I pay for your lunch?”
Me, “Ohhhhh, uh, yes, thank you”
(still not sure what got lost in translation there)
My roommate, after I told him I lived in Boston, “Weren’t
there terrorist attacks there?”
Me, “Uhh, yes, the marathon bombings”
Him, “Are they seeking the death penalty?”
Me, “Um, I don’t know if they have the death penalty in Massachusetts”
(fyi, Mass does not have the death penalty)
Him, “…some of the 9/11 terrorists were from Hamburg”
Me, “Uhh, wow, um, I didn’t know that…good to know”
(My German professor wasn’t kidding, Germans really don’t do
small talk)
A random guy on the street who approached me (keep in mind
the entire conversation was in German), “Are you from Hamburg?”
Me, “No…”
Him, “I just had to stop you because I find you very
attractive and I had to say hello”
Me, “Uhh…thank you?”
Him (grabbing my hand and shaking it for an awkwardly long
time, all while counting out the number of times he was shaking my hand), “Eins,
zwei, drei, vier, funf, sechs, sieben…”
Me, nodding and trying to pull my hand away and extract
myself from the situation, “Uh huh…”
Him, pulling me closer to him and continuing to hold my
hand, “…(something fast and in German that I wasn’t able to understand)…”
Me, shaking my head no, “Nope, nope, gotta go”
Him, finally letting go of my hand, “Ciao!”
(I don’t even know what to say about this conversation)
One of the rowdier classes at my school, who interrogated me
on the first day, “How old are you?”
Me, “23”
Them, “Have you ever been to L.A.?”
Me, “No…”
Them, “Have you ever been to Las Vegas?”
Me, “Well I was in the airport once…”
Them, “Is alcohol cheaper here than it is in the U.S.?”
Me, “YES”
Them, “Do you like German beer?”
Me, “YES”
Them, “Do you have Jewish ancestry?”
Me, “Umm…no”
Them, “What is the difference between American English and
British English?”
Me, “Well British English sounds a whole lot better…”
(and then they proceeded to argue about who was going to
take me out and show me the Hamburg nightlife)
My other roommate and her friends, upon discovering that I
have a dairy allergy, “So…no milk?”
Me, “Nope”
Them, “…no butter?”
Me, “Nope”
Them, “…not even if it’s been cooked?”
Me, “Uhh… no”
Them, shaking their heads in disbelief and shock, “…no milk…”
(while they do understand the concept of a dairy allergy,
Germans seem to see it as a huge life tragedy, which means I spend a lot of
time saying things like, “Oh, it’s not that bad! It could be worse, it could be
a soy allergy or a wheat allergy!”)
I find all these quite amusing, particularly the one about the random guy shaking your hand (and probably also asking for a sexual favor) and the roommates who couldn't quite believe about your allergy. Sehr sehr lustig.
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