The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem...

I have a confession to make:

I am a workaholic.

Actually, that’s not much of a confession. Anyone who knows me is aware of this fact. I have had anywhere from 1-4 jobs at a time since I was 15. These jobs ranged from scooping ice cream at a mini golf course, to tutoring college students, to a plethora of retail jobs (women’s/junior’s clothing, kids clothing, men’s clothing, jewelry, accessories, perfume, shoes, I’ve done it all), to working at a produce stand (and spending my time husking corn at 6 am, cutting brussels sprouts for hours on end, and hacking at fruit with large knives [probably not the best job for me to have to be honest]), to ushering for shows at Suffolk University. One time I was hired to help open a “5 Below” in my hometown, and I got paid almost $300 to work one five hour shift (I’m still convinced that they made some mistake there, but they most certainly aren't getting their money back).

My point being that while I don’t always like working, I have always had this need to stay busy and keep myself constantly occupied while not in school (and even while in school too), and for most of my life work has fulfilled that need.

Until now.

I am working 12 hours a week on average. Under the conditions of my contract I am only allowed to work 12 hours a week on average. I quite literally cannot remember the last time when I had only 12 hours of my week filled up with something. I worked while I was in high school, and filled up my time in college with not only classes, but multiple jobs, students groups, etc.

And then I came here, and wondered why I felt restless, cranky, and, to be honest, kind of unhappy. It didn't make sense to me at first, because here I am, living in Germany, traveling, meeting new people, and doing so many of the things that I love most in life. I told myself that I should be over the moon with happiness. But then I realized that I also have more free time than I have had since I was a kid, and I really don’t know what to do with myself. It has nothing to do with being in a new country and trying to make a new life, etc. It has everything to do with the fact that for the first time in a long time, with the exception of those 12 hours a week, my life is entirely my own. I don’t have classes. I don’t have (very many) responsibilities. I don’t have deadlines, schedules, meetings, or restrictions really.

And while this is all exhilarating and fantastic, it is also slightly daunting. What do you do when your life is not defined by being a student or by your work? What do you do when you are given the opportunity to actually do what you want to do with your life?

What would you do?