How to enjoy traveling if you’re kind of a cranky asshole and sometimes you loathe humanity

So here’s the deal; I am what I like to call an antisocial extrovert. This means that I have no problem talking to people, I am (usually) very friendly and polite, and for the most part I would rather be around people instead of being alone, except for one little thing. Generally speaking I dislike people. They annoy me. There are just so many of them, and they’re so loud and…annoying. So how does this translate into my new life, where I am not surrounded by the usual carefully screened group of people that I actually like? Here are a few tips that I have collected from years of both traveling and being cantankerous.

1. Headphones are your best friend. Headphones can drown out screaming children on airplanes, groups of drunk people on trains, and idiotic roommates in hostels.

2. Learn to be okay with traveling alone (think about it; you can do whatever you want and no one else is there to bother you).

3. You will probably want to avoid large groups of people in general, unless they are very good friends (for example any kind of orientation or party will probably give you rage).

4. Understand that it might be difficult for you to make friends immediately, because people are super annoying and usually you have to be nice to them at first otherwise they get “offended” and think you’re being “rude” or “inappropriate”.

5. Alcohol makes (most) people slightly less annoying (also for those of you who, like me, frequently experience the phenomenon known as “hanger”, you might want to make sure you eat often).

6. Make sure to keep in touch with that special group of people that you actually enjoy being around. Make plans to travel with them, since there’s less of a chance of you wanting to murder them on a trip.

7. Get used to filtering yourself and keeping your snarkiness a bit more under control than usual (this is actually a lot harder than it sounds).

8. And when you do find new friends who share your affinity for crankiness, hold on to them, and by hold on to them I mean make fun of their shoes and call them names, because that’s how you roll.

Disclaimer to people who are reading this who don’t know me: I’m not being serious here guys. Sarcasm, you know? I don’t actually hate people. I’m friendly, I like people!

Disclaimer to people who do know me: You know I’m serious, you've heard me say how much I hate people. You've heard me say that we need a new kind of plague that targets annoying people (reason #1764329 why I am going to hell).