Today’s weather forecast: rain and clouds with a chance of
IF I DON’T SEE THE SUN SOON I’M GOING TO KILL SOMEBODY.
That’s not actually what I want to write about today, I just
needed to get that out.
What I actually wanted to talk about is reverse culture
shock, otherwise known as re-entry, which is when you return from being abroad
and are adjusting to being back in your own culture and country. The past month
or so I’ve been listening to these podcasts from Small Planet Studio about re-entry
and different aspects of international education and global living, and it has
really made me think about my experiences with this subject (check them out,
they’re amazing:
When I returned from studying abroad for a month in 2009 I had
no idea what reverse culture shock was. The program that I went with told us
nothing about it, and so upon my return, when I sunk into a serious bout of
depression that lasted for months, I had no idea what was going on. Why did no
one want to hear my fabulous stories? Why did I feel so restless and stuck and
irritable? Why did I feel that the best part of my life was clearly over and it
was all downhill from here and at 18 I might as well just accept sweet death
now? I dealt with these problems by not
dealing with them (hello denial, my old friend), and instead threw myself into
work and applying for college, and eventually my troubles subsided.
Then in 2012 I decided to go for round two when I studied
abroad in Italy. This time it was a little bit different; during our (mandatory)
study abroad pre-departure meeting in December the subject of re-entry was
briefly mentioned and that was that (“Yeah so this thing called reverse culture
shock is a thing. And it might happen to you. So…yeah.”) (also I was sick and
on a lot of Day-Quil during that meeting so I don’t think anything they told me
really registered). When I returned to the U.S. in May I thought I was handling
things better by both throwing myself into work (again) and realizing that no
one wanted to hear how much wine I had consumed in Rome or how many different
flavors of gelato I had tried in Florence or that one time that I celebrated my
21st birthday at Carnivale in Venice.
But it turns out that I was wrong, I was not handling things
better, because when I went back to school that fall I felt so out of place and
disconnected. I had been away from Boston and school for nine months, and I felt
like everything had changed and I had changed, and I didn't know where I fit in
anymore. My school didn't offer much in the way of help for returning study
abroad students, but luckily I had friends who were going through the same
thing (sorry but also thanks guys), and by commiserating (and wine) we managed
to get through it.
And now here I am, abroad for the third time, and wondering
how I will handle my eventual return to the U.S. equipped with this new
knowledge.
Because here’s the thing; you can’t expect to go back and
have things be the same. “Things” won’t be the same because you aren't the same. You can’t go back
to your old life because essentially it isn't there anymore. You've got to build
a new life, and that’s the part that I am excited for.
So here is my question (because I am genuinely curious about
this), for my friends or anyone else who has ever studied, traveled, lived, or
worked abroad: how did you handle reverse culture shock? Did you know it
existed? How did it make you feel? For example, did you want to punch someone
and then hop on the next plane back to Italy like I did? What advice would you
give to people who are going through it/what worked for you?
Update: the sun came out for a little while today. Crisis
averted, I don’t need to kill anyone anymore (FOR NOW).
Hey Alethea! I experienced reverse culture shock (which I didn't know existed) when I came back from studying abroad in Spain. The worst part was the plane ride home because the flight attendants had thick southern accents and I was like, "why am I leaving a country where everyone sounds beautiful?? English is disgusting!" I was sad and grumpy but the thing that helped me the most was a list that I had made when I was feeling crazy homesick in Spain. The list contained everything that I missed about 'Murica and I tried to do as many things as I could from the list when I got home. It really helped me appreciate being home. I also told my friends and family so many stories (maybe too many) about Spain. And I made some of my favorite Spanish foods for them. Whenever I would feel sad, I would think about how the Spain in my head was an ideal Spain, not the real Spain. Some of my experiences hadn't been so great and I would think about those too. But this was just my experience and I never felt like I would want to live in Spain in the future, so reverse culture shock wasn't too hard for me (though I really missed being past the legal drinking age in Spain but not in the US).
ReplyDeleteThanks Val! I freaking love making lists, so that's a fantastic idea. I also totally get what you are saying about an "ideal Spain", I do that for Italy too sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI definitely experienced reverse culture shock. For me, I assumed it was the same sort of "post vacation let down" as I'd experienced in different ways before.
ReplyDeleteMy first trip was 2 months to Japan and I stayed with a woman and experienced a lifestyle that literally changed my life profoundly. When I returned, I poured myself into my ambition because I basically got permission to. It was immensely personal and, while it bummed me out that people didn't want to hear my stories or see my pictures much, I didn't struggle so much. Life was changing with me, so it kind of worked out naturally.
It was harder when I went to Europe. Like you, I felt like I was being ungrateful or had failed somehow to appreciate the opportunity, failed to be normal or good enough or whatever BS. It was another 2 month trip, changed me less than Japan had, but in much more active and social ways. I had a really hard time re-acclimating because I felt like either no one got it or, worse, no one cared to. Unfortunately, I didn't have much of a solution. Like you, I mostly poured myself into school and other distractions to avoid being depressed.
But then, I felt that way even moving back from Boston to Salt Lake. People here still treat me like the kid they've known for ages when I know I've changed immensely. I'm just rambling now, sorry. I think the biggest thing for me was trying to focus on the fact that no one can take that away from me. I'm a better person (more like the person I want to be) for my experiences and even if others want to not give a shit or try to treat me like I was, I can live in the knowledge that I'm not that person anymore and they can adapt or get lost.
Of course, it's hard when you don't have someone to share your amazing experiences with, but I deal with that quite frequently just with the industry I work in, so if you have any advice on that, I'm all ears.
I think you have to find just a few people that you can talk to about your experiences. I'm lucky enough to have friends from every one of my study abroad experiences that I know I can have a good nostalgia-fest with if I need to. If you don't have that then find someone who went through something similar, or has been in that particular country or city, because I can guarantee that even if they didn't go through exactly what you went through there will definitely be similarities, if that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteAnd if all else fails talk to me! Yay! Hahaha