How to enjoy traveling if you’re kind of a cranky asshole and sometimes you loathe humanity

So here’s the deal; I am what I like to call an antisocial extrovert. This means that I have no problem talking to people, I am (usually) very friendly and polite, and for the most part I would rather be around people instead of being alone, except for one little thing. Generally speaking I dislike people. They annoy me. There are just so many of them, and they’re so loud and…annoying. So how does this translate into my new life, where I am not surrounded by the usual carefully screened group of people that I actually like? Here are a few tips that I have collected from years of both traveling and being cantankerous.

1. Headphones are your best friend. Headphones can drown out screaming children on airplanes, groups of drunk people on trains, and idiotic roommates in hostels.

2. Learn to be okay with traveling alone (think about it; you can do whatever you want and no one else is there to bother you).

3. You will probably want to avoid large groups of people in general, unless they are very good friends (for example any kind of orientation or party will probably give you rage).

4. Understand that it might be difficult for you to make friends immediately, because people are super annoying and usually you have to be nice to them at first otherwise they get “offended” and think you’re being “rude” or “inappropriate”.

5. Alcohol makes (most) people slightly less annoying (also for those of you who, like me, frequently experience the phenomenon known as “hanger”, you might want to make sure you eat often).

6. Make sure to keep in touch with that special group of people that you actually enjoy being around. Make plans to travel with them, since there’s less of a chance of you wanting to murder them on a trip.

7. Get used to filtering yourself and keeping your snarkiness a bit more under control than usual (this is actually a lot harder than it sounds).

8. And when you do find new friends who share your affinity for crankiness, hold on to them, and by hold on to them I mean make fun of their shoes and call them names, because that’s how you roll.

Disclaimer to people who are reading this who don’t know me: I’m not being serious here guys. Sarcasm, you know? I don’t actually hate people. I’m friendly, I like people!

Disclaimer to people who do know me: You know I’m serious, you've heard me say how much I hate people. You've heard me say that we need a new kind of plague that targets annoying people (reason #1764329 why I am going to hell).

Thank god it's Friday

Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t have a lot to say today, but I do have good news and bad news.

Let’s start with the bad news.

The bad news is that I got my ass kicked this week by a really bad case of homesickness/being fed up with everything/hating everyone, and then DHL/Deustche Post decided that they may or may not be sending my Christmas present from my family back to America (Merry Christmas to you too, German postal service). Also I finally paid (most of) the deposit for my apartment, which means that I have 8 euro in my bank account until I get paid at the end of the month, however that hasn’t stopped me from buying plenty of gluhwein and Haribo Christmas candy.

But, blinding irrational rage and homesickness aside, I do actually have some fantastic news. As of last Wednesday I am no longer at the “problem” school, and my new school is a match made in heaven. It is more of a business vocational school, where they are studying shipping, tourism, and travel, which is right up my alley. The students are well behaved, have a high level of English, and, unlike at my other school, I don’t feel like they are going to steal anything of mine if I leave it lying around. I’m mostly just observing classes right now to get a feel for how they do things here, but I can already tell that this school is a much better fit for me. So big sigh of relief for getting my work problems resolved, and in other good news I just made Oreo brownies to celebrate this week being over.

That’s all for now folks, please enjoy the rest of these pictures of fireworks from the Winter Dom! 

  

                          

List Time!

So I have been here for three months (HOW IS IT DECEMBER ALREADY), and it’s time for some more lists (and recent photos from a freezing trip to Planen und Blomen):

Things I miss about Boston/the U.S.

1. Friday nights in Allston, aka me and my best friend getting drunk, watching Disney movies, and painting our nails (Nail art is my drunk skill. I once did French tips free hand while drunk, and that takes mad skills guys).

2. The ability to go to the grocery store once a month and buy food in bulk (I don’t need the temptation of going to the grocery store several times a week, it just isn't good for my bank account or my health).

3. My family. They are bat-shit crazy but I love and miss them.

Things I don’t miss about Boston/the U.S.

1. Nope, still don’t miss working retail.

2. Nope, still don’t miss the embodiment of frustration and torture that is the green line.

3. Nope, definitely didn't miss working 12-16 hours on Black Friday and hating life and loathing humanity.

Things I love about Hamburg/Germany

1. The Central library here in Hamburg, because it is huge and amazing and has a giant section of English books, which should fulfill my bookworm needs while I am here.

2. The Germans seem to love Christmas just as much as (if not more than) Americans, and started decorating for it right after Halloween, and the Christmas markets just started up and I am so excited. It’s like a winter wonderland up in this bitch, minus the snow.

3. How welcoming the expat community has been. I’ve joined several expats groups, among them a book club and two photography clubs, and I have realized how amazing it is to be surrounded by people who not only share your interests, but also can relate to the experience of being an expat.

Things I’m not liking about Hamburg/Germany so far

1. The German language is actually really hard in practice. Also I have given up on ever being able to roll my r’s. My mouth just simply doesn't want to make that sound, sorry guys.

2. Obviously school/teaching has not been going particularly well, but I am meeting with someone this week to discuss the situation, so hopefully all goes well.

3. The impending cold grey winter that everyone keeps talking about (not that Boston’s winters are better, but you get my point). Gonna need to find something to occupy myself with when it's all dark and miserable this winter!

Misery Loves Company

Guys, I’m gonna warn you right now, this post is not going to be a fun, lighthearted one.

All summer long, before I left for Germany, I kept having this recurring thought that they had made a mistake in choosing me to teach. Turns out I was wrong about that part. But unfortunately it seems like a mistake has been made, just in my school placement.

I have made very few people aware of my current situation, partially because it is kind of a touchy subject, and partially because it is not the answer that people are looking for when they ask “How are things going in Hamburg?”

So, how are things going in Hamburg? Hamburg is great, Hamburg I love, but “things”, I’m afraid, are not really going as well as I had hoped they would.

“Things” are going like this: on November 13^th I sent an email requesting that I be able to transfer schools. They obviously wanted to know why, and so I had to explain that I felt that I was no longer working in a comfortable or safe environment, as I was being verbally sexually harassed by the students on a daily basis.

On. A. Daily. Basis.

Let’s get one thing straight; I put up with a lot of shit in general, and I put up with a lot of shit from men. I am tough. But this? This constant whistling and catcalling and kissy noises and little comments? In my place of work, where ideally I would like to feel confident and secure, but at the very least just ignored and left in peace? After almost 3 months it has just become too much.

And at first after sending that email I was almost ashamed. Ashamed because I was letting it get to me. Ashamed because I was giving up, I was letting them win. And ashamed because I felt like this meant that I couldn't do this simple job, like I had failed my one task.

Until I realized several things:

I realized that I possess the capability to do anything. I can continue to work at this school if I choose to. But what I have realized is that it is not just what I can do, but what I can do while maintaining both my sanity and my happiness. I can count on one hand the number of days that I left the school in a good mood, and I am just not okay with living like that, in Germany or the U.S. for that matter.

And I realized that working at this school was causing me more stress and misery than it was happiness and willingness to cultivate cultural exchange. I couldn't focus on learning about the vocational school system, because I was too busy trying to ensure that my students wouldn't sexually harass me on the way to class. I couldn't think of ways to make learning English fun for them, because I was trying to plan my bathroom breaks around their class schedules so that I didn't see any of them in the halls. I couldn't get excited about going to class in the mornings, because I was too busy putting on layer after layer of clothing, just to make sure that quite literally not an inch of skin was showing, only to have it not make a difference anyway. And I didn't leave school in the afternoons feeling accomplished and pleased with the day’s work, because about once a week I left almost in tears because I felt like I was nothing more than some pretty-but-useless trophy for them to admire in English class.

So can you imagine me explaining all of this to someone who quite innocently asked me how things were going in Hamburg? All of this hasn't made things easy by any means, but it has definitely made me question how we view and handle sexual harassment, not just in the U.S. but just generally as human beings. It hurts to feel that I might not able to complete my contract at this school simply because I am a girl in a male-dominated environment. The two previous teaching assistants were both men, and they seemed to have no problems, but when I, a female, tried to do exactly the same job that they had done, I was not given the same treatment or respect, and that really hurts.

So now, I wait. I wait to hear back from the powers that be, and see if I will be able to transfer to a different school. And I suck at waiting. Case in point, I was actually going to wait until I heard back from them to post this, but I got impatient and so now we can all wait together.

Shit My Students Say...

“Why aren't you married yet?”

Student: “Stoltzfus is a hobbit from the book The Hobbit” Me: “So I’ve heard! But I’m not a hobbit” Student “NO you’re not a hobbit, you’re too beautiful”

“Do you know any movie stars?”

"Do you have a boyfriend in America?"

A note that was handed to me after class ended: “If you would like to make some party on the weekend text me on Facebook. If you want to learn some stuff over Hamburg! Make some friends. Have a nice trip. Nice to meet ya.”

“American English sounds sexier than British English”

Every time the teacher introduces me as Alethea Stoltzfus, they all go “Stoltzfus?!?!” and then they mutter among themselves until someone works up the courage to ask me if my name is German (one kid did figure out that my first name is Greek, which was quite impressive)

Student: “What are your hobbies?” Me: “I like to read” Student: “We are plumbers, we can’t read”

“In America are people brown or white?”

“You are the first American I’ve ever met…can I hug you?”

“Do you have a black boyfriend?”

“Do you know Tupac?”

“How old are you?”

"Where do they make parties in Boston?"

“Why are you so skinny?”

A picture is worth a thousand words

So I have been doing a very poor job of keeping up with this, partially because things have been pretty quiet around here the past few weeks, and partially because of things that are still in progress and which I will explain soon if all goes well. In the meantime the holiday season has started, and so here are some pictures of the Hamburg Winter Dom until I can write a real post.

The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem...

I have a confession to make:

I am a workaholic.

Actually, that’s not much of a confession. Anyone who knows me is aware of this fact. I have had anywhere from 1-4 jobs at a time since I was 15. These jobs ranged from scooping ice cream at a mini golf course, to tutoring college students, to a plethora of retail jobs (women’s/junior’s clothing, kids clothing, men’s clothing, jewelry, accessories, perfume, shoes, I’ve done it all), to working at a produce stand (and spending my time husking corn at 6 am, cutting brussels sprouts for hours on end, and hacking at fruit with large knives [probably not the best job for me to have to be honest]), to ushering for shows at Suffolk University. One time I was hired to help open a “5 Below” in my hometown, and I got paid almost $300 to work one five hour shift (I’m still convinced that they made some mistake there, but they most certainly aren't getting their money back).

My point being that while I don’t always like working, I have always had this need to stay busy and keep myself constantly occupied while not in school (and even while in school too), and for most of my life work has fulfilled that need.

Until now.

I am working 12 hours a week on average. Under the conditions of my contract I am only allowed to work 12 hours a week on average. I quite literally cannot remember the last time when I had only 12 hours of my week filled up with something. I worked while I was in high school, and filled up my time in college with not only classes, but multiple jobs, students groups, etc.

And then I came here, and wondered why I felt restless, cranky, and, to be honest, kind of unhappy. It didn't make sense to me at first, because here I am, living in Germany, traveling, meeting new people, and doing so many of the things that I love most in life. I told myself that I should be over the moon with happiness. But then I realized that I also have more free time than I have had since I was a kid, and I really don’t know what to do with myself. It has nothing to do with being in a new country and trying to make a new life, etc. It has everything to do with the fact that for the first time in a long time, with the exception of those 12 hours a week, my life is entirely my own. I don’t have classes. I don’t have (very many) responsibilities. I don’t have deadlines, schedules, meetings, or restrictions really.

And while this is all exhilarating and fantastic, it is also slightly daunting. What do you do when your life is not defined by being a student or by your work? What do you do when you are given the opportunity to actually do what you want to do with your life?

What would you do?