In which I angrily rant about things unrelated to Germany or teaching (for a change)

^ that's me today.

So I have some quick business to address before I can begin my rant.

First of all this is my 20^th post and I don’t know how that happened.

Second of all apparently my blog has had over 2,500 views and I really don’t know how that happened. I mean, thanks, and I hope you guys are getting something out of reading it, because I have no intended audience and quite literally just use this blog as a less personal form of my journal where I ramble about whatever is on my mind at the time. So if you somehow find that entertaining it’s cool with me.

Third I just got back from about a month of traveling and nonsense, so what I was originally planning on doing was posting pictures and talking about Amsterdam, Brussels, Bruges, Paris, and Berlin. You know, low key stuff.

But then I changed my mind because of this:

http://nyti.ms/1OxFRdS

^ this is an article on the New York Times website about Michelle Obama’s recent trip to Asia to promote the “Let Girls Learn” program that she has formed with the Peace Corps.

My first thought was “Oh, that’s so awesome, Michelle Obama is amazing, I wonder what the article says about the program and what they’re doing?”

The answer was that the article said nothing. Did it mention the 62 million girls worldwide who aren't in school? Did it elaborate on the 11 countries that they are starting this initiative in? Did it discuss how education can improve these women’s lives in the most basic of ways, like helping them escape poverty, violence, and disease?

No.

The article was entirely about how the clothing Michelle Obama wore during her trip was emphasizing a new, feminist twist on 1950’s fashion, making a bold statement that apparently Angela Merkel and Hillary Rodham Clinton should follow.

First of all, WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK?

So she wore some full skirts and some flower prints, who cares?! I don’t think her thought process was, “Oh gee, I’m going on this silly tour of Asia to discuss education for women, I know what I’ll do, I’ll whip out my ‘carnation-print Carolina Herrera frock’ and simply blow the minds of those poor uneducated women and hope that the media spends days analyzing the meaning of my outfit choices instead of the meaning of this program that I am promoting”.

Then the article got even better, suggesting that her attire was actually for the benefit of the aforementioned under-educated girls; 

“In choosing to meet young women in clothes that, perhaps, make her look like them — or how they may want to look if they didn't have to wear school uniforms — Mrs. Obama was implying: You can dress like a girl and dream about getting a Ph.D.”

Or, OR, maybe clothing is just clothing and what she was really implying was NOTHING, BECAUSE HOW YOU DRESS SHOULDN'T BE AN ISSUE THAT YOU ARE CONCERNED WITH WHEN YOU CAN’T EVEN GET AN EDUCATION.

The thought that there are girls out there who won't be even able to finish high school breaks my heart and makes me furious all at the same time. So it's wonderful that our First Lady is trying to shed some light on this issue and help these girls, and yet all this article did was blabber on about her goddamn clothing, reducing this Princeton-and-Harvard educated woman to nothing more than a mannequin. 

Maybe I’m just being touchy because education and feminism are two of the topics that I can get the most passionate/heated about, but quite frankly I don’t care, because I know that if a man had been on this tour of Asia to promote women’s education not a damn word would have been said about his clothing because no one would have given a shit about what color his pants were or whether or not he wore a tie.

I’d love your thoughts on this, since apparently some people are actually reading this shit (and by “this shit” I mean my blog). Do you agree or disagree with me? (and if you disagree bring it on, I’m feeling argumentative and I could debate this topic for days)

Side note: here’s the link for the Let Girls Learn initiative, because why not educate yourself about something that is actually important in this world?

https://letgirlslearn.peacecorps.gov/

Side note part two: With the thought of giving the New York Times a chance to redeem itself, I searched "Michelle Obama" on their website, and they had posted an article a few weeks ago before she left for the trip, detailing a little more about the program. "Okay," I thought, "Maybe I have been too quick to judge them". Until I read one of the last sentences,
"As first lady, Mrs. Obama has not often traveled abroad without Mr. Obama; this trip will be her fourth." 
Because clearly the most important aspect of this trip is the fact that she is doing it alone, without a man.

In other words, I'm still pissed.

Edit: Here is Michelle Obama's Travel Journal from her trip (a much more worthwhile read than the NYT article)
https://medium.com/let-girls-learn/the-first-lady-s-travel-journal-educating-and-empowering-girls-in-cambodia-f3847aabb9e9

My Job as a Hamburger

I’ve been promising to write about my new school and what I actually do here, so I figured it was time to talk about my position as an English Teaching Assistant. The role of teaching assistant really does vary from school to school, for example they expected something entirely different from me at my first school (G2, where, as I have mentioned before, the students were at a very low level of English) than they do at my current school (H18, where the students are at a much higher English level).

(typical questions that I get asked)

At G2 I started out observing classes, from English classes with two different teachers, to classes where they were discussing current events (such as the train strikes in Hamburg) in German, to classes of international students learning both English and German.

Once I started helping out I did everything from giving a presentation on how to use Power Point in English, to making a quiz about global warming and the English vocabulary needed for that subject, to introducing them to the concept of American Thanksgiving via “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” and clips from “Friends” (the episode where Joey eats an entire turkey by himself was met with much amusement). I got to have fun and play Scrabble and Rory’s Story Cubes with them, and then sometimes had to do more boring work like creating a template for a maintenance contract. Overall one of the teachers made sure to take advantage of my presence and gave me the opportunity to “team-teach” and help out as much as possible, while my other teacher didn't quite have the same idea, so with her I mostly observed and then occasionally she would throw me into a class or a project with no warning whatsoever.

Comparatively speaking at my new school I have been able to help out a lot more. While I do still observe classes, it is more out of necessity since the students are required to give a lot of presentations. These presentations are still interesting for me though, since they are mostly tourism/travel students giving presentations on either towns and cities in Germany or cities worldwide, and in return I have been giving a presentation about Boston (sorry Pennsylvania people, maybe someday I’ll give a presentation on Lancaster, but for the time being I haven’t been given the time to discuss the whole “Amish” subject).

Aside from that I have mostly been helping with grammar related things, since as I said these students have a much higher level of English, and that is truly what they need help with. I have given a presentation on word order in sentences (subject/place/time, etc. Funny story: my voice gave out halfway through said presentation so a good chunk of it was just me croaking at the class) and a presentation on prepositions (wanted desperately to show them the School House Rock video about prepositions, but decided that if I did so they would probably think that all Americans are on drugs).

I also had to create a handout about when to use the word “the” (kept making puns about “The” Handout…yup, still funny). And I am currently helping some of my tourism students with correcting their homework and business complaint or apology letters (much like what I did as a tutor at Suffolk), checking their grammar, spelling, etc.

There are cons to my job, even at my fancy new school. I definitely feel that I’m not given the chance to help out as much as I would like to. This comes partially from the fact that it seems as though a few of the teachers don’t believe that I can teach/help out because I’m so young/haven’t had a million years of teacher training like German teachers have, and partially from the fact that since I work at a vocational/business school their schedule is often set in stone, and they don’t always have the time to deviate from the plan to do “fun” English things. Most of the time I am just there as an available resource or “living dictionary” if you will. This is a constant source of frustration for me, since there is nothing I dislike more than sitting around doing nothing, which is often what I end up doing in class. As an overachieving workaholic I would love to be active in every single class, but that’s just not how this works and I’ve had to make peace with that.

But aside from that, my new school is definitely one big pro. I love it when I feel like I am actually helping (or getting through) to the students, I love seeing them get excited to see me in class, and I love that I get to learn about a subject that I am interested in as well. My new teachers are all pretty cool, I only have about 14 full weeks of teaching left (!), and also as of Saturday I am on vacation for three weeks and am going to the Netherlands, Belgium, and France, so life is good.

(More typical questions. They really do think that we Americans are all fat, know tons of movie stars, and eat nothing but fast food)

More weird German crap, aka things about this country that I will probably never understand (and also pictures of a Venetian mask parade)

“Moin” (a greeting which kind of means good morning but also kind of doesn't)

WHAT DOES IT MEAN. Is it “Good morning”? Is it “Good day”? Is it just “Hi”? Why must it be said twice, and often in a high pitched, girlie voice? (not unlike “Tchuss”, or, possibly my least favorite German thing ever, “Tchusseeeeeeeeeeeeee”. Makes me cringe every time)

The education system

I have tried, oh how I have tried to understand how this system works. I’ve heard about it from my German professor back in the States, from school officials here in Hamburg, from teachers at both of my schools, and from other Germans not involved in the education system, but I still do not get it. As far as I can tell it’s just a complicated bureaucratic numerical mess that my tiny American brain will never be able to comprehend.

Everything about this exchange between myself and a bunch of teachers at my school, about my newly blonde hair (keep in mind that this happened multiple times within a two week period)

Them: “Oh you colored your hair!"

Me"..."

Them:"..."

Me: "Yes I did…"

End of conversation.

(So was that supposed to be a compliment or are they just stating the obvious for shits and giggles?)

The hype behind “fritz-kola” (German soda)

I get that it’s a Hamburg thing and all, but to me it just tastes like Coke. Sorry guys.

My German roommate (a guy in his mid-thirties) that I see maybe twice a month, but whom I have determined is my favorite German thus far

Nov 29 – Roommate: "I have...what do you call when you drink too much?" Me: "A hangover?" Roommate: "Yes. I have a hangover. There was a Christmas party at my law firm and there was free alcohol…"

Dec 15 – (when some guy was supposed to come fix our washer, but never showed up) Roommate, via text: Is the washer fixed? Me: Um, he actually never showed up... Roommate: Shit.

(He put a period and everything. He meant business)

Feb 6 - Roommate: "I killed a spider. I am a hero".

And finally, a small collection of “Shit My Students Say” (Fancy New School Edition, including not just funny shit, but also questions about the U.S. that I would not have even thought to ask)

“Why are the Boston Celtics called the Celtics?”

“What does that symbol on the Freedom Trail mean?”

“Why do you say ‘The Netherlands’ in English? Why does it need a ‘the’?!”

“Do Americans use WhatsApp?” (a texting app that is generally used instead of iMessaging here)

Also an entire class doesn't seem to know what to call me, because they can’t remember/pronounce “Alethea”, and while they find “Stoltzfus” to be hilarious (“Proud foot! Proud foot!"), they have settled on “Miss Boston”, which I am kind of okay with.

Reverse culture shock and also pictures of a cemetery (I swear the two aren't related though)

Today’s weather forecast: rain and clouds with a chance of IF I DON’T SEE THE SUN SOON I’M GOING TO KILL SOMEBODY.

That’s not actually what I want to write about today, I just needed to get that out.

What I actually wanted to talk about is reverse culture shock, otherwise known as re-entry, which is when you return from being abroad and are adjusting to being back in your own culture and country. The past month or so I’ve been listening to these podcasts from Small Planet Studio about re-entry and different aspects of international education and global living, and it has really made me think about my experiences with this subject (check them out, they’re amazing:

 http://www.smallplanetstudio.com) .

When I returned from studying abroad for a month in 2009 I had no idea what reverse culture shock was. The program that I went with told us nothing about it, and so upon my return, when I sunk into a serious bout of depression that lasted for months, I had no idea what was going on. Why did no one want to hear my fabulous stories? Why did I feel so restless and stuck and irritable? Why did I feel that the best part of my life was clearly over and it was all downhill from here and at 18 I might as well just accept sweet death now? I dealt with these problems by not dealing with them (hello denial, my old friend), and instead threw myself into work and applying for college, and eventually my troubles subsided.

Then in 2012 I decided to go for round two when I studied abroad in Italy. This time it was a little bit different; during our (mandatory) study abroad pre-departure meeting in December the subject of re-entry was briefly mentioned and that was that (“Yeah so this thing called reverse culture shock is a thing. And it might happen to you. So…yeah.”) (also I was sick and on a lot of Day-Quil during that meeting so I don’t think anything they told me really registered). When I returned to the U.S. in May I thought I was handling things better by both throwing myself into work (again) and realizing that no one wanted to hear how much wine I had consumed in Rome or how many different flavors of gelato I had tried in Florence or that one time that I celebrated my 21^st birthday at Carnivale in Venice.

But it turns out that I was wrong, I was not handling things better, because when I went back to school that fall I felt so out of place and disconnected. I had been away from Boston and school for nine months, and I felt like everything had changed and I had changed, and I didn't know where I fit in anymore. My school didn't offer much in the way of help for returning study abroad students, but luckily I had friends who were going through the same thing (sorry but also thanks guys), and by commiserating (and wine) we managed to get through it.

And now here I am, abroad for the third time, and wondering how I will handle my eventual return to the U.S. equipped with this new knowledge.

Because here’s the thing; you can’t expect to go back and have things be the same. “Things” won’t be the same because you aren't the same. You can’t go back to your old life because essentially it isn't there anymore. You've got to build a new life, and that’s the part that I am excited for.

So here is my question (because I am genuinely curious about this), for my friends or anyone else who has ever studied, traveled, lived, or worked abroad: how did you handle reverse culture shock? Did you know it existed? How did it make you feel? For example, did you want to punch someone and then hop on the next plane back to Italy like I did? What advice would you give to people who are going through it/what worked for you?

Update: the sun came out for a little while today. Crisis averted, I don’t need to kill anyone anymore (FOR NOW).

Why it’s good that moving to Germany to teach English has taught me that I neither want to teach English nor live in Germany

This time last week I was at home in Pennsylvania, curled up on my couch with a fever of 102, as my family kept their distance while providing me with copious amounts of hot tea, chicken soup, and a variety of cold medicines.

To say that I was not expecting to spend my Christmas vacation that way would be an understatement. I was expecting a quiet Christmas in which I spent some time with my teacher from my old school, read an obscene number of books, cursed the horrible German weather, and generally avoided thinking about the fact that it was the holidays and I wasn't home with my family where I wanted to be.

Instead of doing all of that, on Christmas Eve my mom texted me and asked if I wanted to come home, and, long story short, I ended up doing just that, and it was exactly what I needed, and here’s the reason why. First, and most obvious of all, I missed my family, but perhaps the more pressing issue was that I needed some perspective on my situation, because here’s the deal:

A few weeks ago I had an epiphany.

This seems to be happening quite a lot since I arrived here, but this one was kind of big. Huge. Massive even. I don’t know exactly what provoked it, but suddenly I just realized that:

a) Germany was not for me

b) Teaching was not for me

and c) I was pretty sure that deep down I had already known both of those facts long before I had arrived in Hamburg.

But Alethea, you say, you applied to this prestigious program so that you could teach English in Germany for ten months. And now you’re saying that you never wanted it?!

Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying. And at first my main thought was, “Wow, I’m an idiot, why did I do this?”

Except that I’m not an idiot. I would never have known for sure that I didn't want to live in Germany unless I moved to Germany to try it out. I would never have known for sure that I definitely didn't want to teach unless I had gotten a contract to teach for almost a year. Had I stayed put in Boston I wouldn't have figured these things out.

My second thought was, “Well, now what?

Now I enjoy the rest of my time here and try to make the most of it. Now, once again, I rethink what it is I want to do with my life and where exactly I want to do it. Already I have a pretty good idea of what I should be doing and where I want to be doing it, but who knows what life will throw at me in the next six and a half months? It has already been amazing adventure and it’s not even halfway over yet.

(To be entirely honest I’ve been putting this off /pondering how to write about this for a while, because I feel like it’s kind of a touchy subject and I didn't want to, I dunno, offend anyone. First of all, the whole thing made me feel like because I wasn't in love with Germany and because I didn't unearth a deep undying passion for teaching that I had somehow failed. I also didn't want to be that person who was “ungrateful” for an amazing experience that they’d been given, or for it to sound like I was complaining about my situation. I am in no way ungrateful for this experience, and I am in no way complaining. After all, I got myself into this mess, and I am still going to get something out of it and put something into it, but it has simply not been quite what I imagined. And I did promise to tell the truth about my experience here, so there it is).

(On a more pleasant note, my new school is absolutely amazing and I love it there. More about that at a later date).

How to enjoy traveling if you’re kind of a cranky asshole and sometimes you loathe humanity

So here’s the deal; I am what I like to call an antisocial extrovert. This means that I have no problem talking to people, I am (usually) very friendly and polite, and for the most part I would rather be around people instead of being alone, except for one little thing. Generally speaking I dislike people. They annoy me. There are just so many of them, and they’re so loud and…annoying. So how does this translate into my new life, where I am not surrounded by the usual carefully screened group of people that I actually like? Here are a few tips that I have collected from years of both traveling and being cantankerous.

1. Headphones are your best friend. Headphones can drown out screaming children on airplanes, groups of drunk people on trains, and idiotic roommates in hostels.

2. Learn to be okay with traveling alone (think about it; you can do whatever you want and no one else is there to bother you).

3. You will probably want to avoid large groups of people in general, unless they are very good friends (for example any kind of orientation or party will probably give you rage).

4. Understand that it might be difficult for you to make friends immediately, because people are super annoying and usually you have to be nice to them at first otherwise they get “offended” and think you’re being “rude” or “inappropriate”.

5. Alcohol makes (most) people slightly less annoying (also for those of you who, like me, frequently experience the phenomenon known as “hanger”, you might want to make sure you eat often).

6. Make sure to keep in touch with that special group of people that you actually enjoy being around. Make plans to travel with them, since there’s less of a chance of you wanting to murder them on a trip.

7. Get used to filtering yourself and keeping your snarkiness a bit more under control than usual (this is actually a lot harder than it sounds).

8. And when you do find new friends who share your affinity for crankiness, hold on to them, and by hold on to them I mean make fun of their shoes and call them names, because that’s how you roll.

Disclaimer to people who are reading this who don’t know me: I’m not being serious here guys. Sarcasm, you know? I don’t actually hate people. I’m friendly, I like people!

Disclaimer to people who do know me: You know I’m serious, you've heard me say how much I hate people. You've heard me say that we need a new kind of plague that targets annoying people (reason #1764329 why I am going to hell).

Thank god it's Friday

Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t have a lot to say today, but I do have good news and bad news.

Let’s start with the bad news.

The bad news is that I got my ass kicked this week by a really bad case of homesickness/being fed up with everything/hating everyone, and then DHL/Deustche Post decided that they may or may not be sending my Christmas present from my family back to America (Merry Christmas to you too, German postal service). Also I finally paid (most of) the deposit for my apartment, which means that I have 8 euro in my bank account until I get paid at the end of the month, however that hasn’t stopped me from buying plenty of gluhwein and Haribo Christmas candy.

But, blinding irrational rage and homesickness aside, I do actually have some fantastic news. As of last Wednesday I am no longer at the “problem” school, and my new school is a match made in heaven. It is more of a business vocational school, where they are studying shipping, tourism, and travel, which is right up my alley. The students are well behaved, have a high level of English, and, unlike at my other school, I don’t feel like they are going to steal anything of mine if I leave it lying around. I’m mostly just observing classes right now to get a feel for how they do things here, but I can already tell that this school is a much better fit for me. So big sigh of relief for getting my work problems resolved, and in other good news I just made Oreo brownies to celebrate this week being over.

That’s all for now folks, please enjoy the rest of these pictures of fireworks from the Winter Dom!